I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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