and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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