You made me cry and you don't even care
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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