sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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