I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
