at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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