Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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