Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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