Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
