Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
