Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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