Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
