I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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