it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
porn star boner night. come get it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
