oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
