Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
