I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I want a musical about memes.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
