I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I think i got beer on your cat.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
