yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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