you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
