Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
