I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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