after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
