Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
