I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
