I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
