once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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