I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
