Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
