I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
