Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
