I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
