why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The air was thick with penises
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
