I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
