I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
