I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
how drunk are you?
Several
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
