Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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