saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
