Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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