So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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