she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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