i think my mom watched the whole time
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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