problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
