why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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