best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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