5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
