Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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