I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
