Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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