It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
