My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
What a dumb baby whore.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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