dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We are two peas in an std pod
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
