Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
