He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
