He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
