I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
