the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
